Spanking is a word that often raises controversy amongst parents. My husband and I decided before we ever had kids that we would not use physical punishments. I was never really spanked as a child (although it was threatened) and my husband was beaten severely as a child with belts and wire coat-hangers. But despite our different childhood experiences, we both decided against spanking our own children.
Not spanking does not mean that we don’t discipline our kids. Here are some of the tactics we use:
Star Charts
Our kids each have a star chart with items listed on it that they need to work on. Things like “no teasing”, “making your bed”, “no talking back”, etc. They earn stars for exhibiting the good behaviors and for not exhibiting the bad behaviors. If they hit their star goal for the week they get some money for their piggy bank. It’s amazing what a little positive incentive can do to improve behavior.
Related Consequences
When our kids do something unacceptable we try to apply a related consequence. For example, the other day my oldest son was doing his school homework which involved cutting with scissors and he deliberately cut a hole in his school uniform shirt. He had already been warned once in the past about this behavior so when he did it again, we took the money from his piggy bank to buy a new shirt. It was a very painful lesson for him to learn and I guarantee that he won’t ever cut his shirt again.
Naughty Corner
When it seems like there is no related consequence that will work, we use the naughty corner. This idea was taken from the “Super Nanny” TV show. For example, if one of my kids hits another one, they are given a warning and told that the behavior is not acceptable. They are told that if they do it again they will go to the naughty corner. This is usually enough to stop the behavior but if they do it again, we follow through. I seriously never thought that my kids would sit in a corner for 3-4 minutes just because I told them to, but guess what – they did and they do. When they’re done with their time, they apologize and we’re done.
Do I sometimes have the urge to spank my kids? You bet I do! I have to take a deep breath and remember that we are a non-spanking household. Do our methods work? I think so and I’m often complimented on how well-behaved my kids are. It’s not always easy but we keep learning and so do our kids J
One Comment
Thanks for your post. I agree that spanking is not the most productive or effective form of discipline. I like your ideas…we use timeouts and discipline that corresponds with the misbehavior as well. I really like your idea of the star chart to work on specific behaviors…I may try that with my own children. You may like a website I found that has a debate on spanking…www.opposingviews.com/questions/is-spanking-an-acceptable-form-of-discipline. Experts from both sides debate the use of spanking or not. The Center for Effective Discipline takes the anti-spanking side and makes some good points about why it is not a particularly effective form of discipline. Thanks again for your post!